I haven't been able to bring myself to blog, its like my last post is just sitting there taunting me. I remember writing it, feeling so full of hope and promise for Beckett and for us as a family. I wrote it at one of the highs of our fall, a day when we felt like life was falling back into place. And now here it sits at the top of my blog mocking me because what we didn't know at the time was that in two weeks time things would look totally different. What we didn't know then was that Beckett looked amazing in the pictures but was actually terminally ill and putting up a good front. And what would follow a few weeks later is probably some of the worst times John and I have had to go through. If you know us in real life you know that we lost Beckett October 24th, 6 days after his 2nd birthday, it was what the vets described as a tragic 1 in a 1,000,000 chance. And for us it was losing a family member, in essence a child.

And there really isn't anything to say, and then there is so much to say and I guess I just can't decide which one feels better. Its the same reason why the last journal entry in my diary for the longest time was about how amazing life was, how Beckett was doing incredible, how excited I was to be a family of 4, an entry way back in August.

So here is a new post, it will probably sit at the top of my blog for awhile too. Or maybe it will serve as a way for me to write about all the other things going on in my life and have it not seem like I am just avoiding the horribly huge elephant in the room. And maybe someday I'll write about the time in between the two entries, but most of you have walked that space with us and we are so incredibly thankful to you for that.

Last Thursday John and I celebrated three years of marriage. At times I cannot believe it has already been three years, they have absolutely flown by. But then at the same time I cannot believe it has only been three years, it seems like we have been together forever. But three years is just a drop in the bucket of forever.

We had a wonderfully low key day together. It was a Thursday so John was home and I had taken the later part of the week off. John made a big breakfast for us *which has become a tradition* and we just sat in our pjs and enjoyed a cup of coffee and just relaxed.

This year we decided not to get gifts for each other since September had brought a lot of unforeseen expenses. And really we don't need anything, we have each other, Beckett and a baby on the way *so much to be thankful for!* So this year our anniversary present to each other was this incredible handsome and healthy monster....

We took Beckett to Black Creek Park for a walk in the afternoon. It was a gorgeous sunny fall day, just like the day we got married. Beckett loved being off leash on the trails and getting the chance to explore and we were both just so happy to have him there with us. *maybe some day I will get into all the particulars of our September with him but to make a long story short we are celebrating and cherishing every day we have with him and counting our blessings that he is doing so well* we also got the great news that his latest blood results looked very much improved which was a tremendous relief.

Beckett and John racing

Mr. Maniac taking in the great outdoors.

My little Miracle Monster.

In the evening we went to Taste of Texas for dinner before having the Shipmans and Johnsons over to celebrate another wedding *Jim and Pam's wedding on The Office* we had a great time with everyone.

Here's to another 60 years!

Keller Cruise '09

It's been a whirlwind since we got home from the cruise last Monday night. We left Friday the 18th at the absolute crack of dawn... no seriously we're talking waking up prior to 5am early. We got to Miami around 11:30 and were on the boat by 12:30 probably. The afternoon was spent eating, exploring and resting. I took a long nap while we waited for our suitcases to be delivered.

Saturday we spent the day at Coco Cay, this was our second time at the Royal Caribbean Island so we knew what to expect. We kept telling everyone that we had to get over to the island early so we could get a cabana and luckily we were able to because even with the shade of the cabana it was hotter then hades. Much too hot for a woman "in my current state" *"in your current state" is a phrase that people LOVE to use when referring to my pregnancy. Telling me why I shouldn't do doing something "IYCS" or things I need to do or

whatever they want to tell me* Despite the oppressing heat and the ridiculous amounts I was sweating I managed to tough it out till around 2:30pm when I decided that it was crazy to sit out on the beach on vacation and be miserable so we went back to the boat and to the air conditioning where I promptly had some ice cream, took a shower and then a nap. Saturday night was formal night on the boat. Every night we had amazing food, I think John had some form of seafood every night. There was so much food and our waiter practically forced us to try everything and to have seconds of anything we liked.

Pictures from Formal Night...

Little Bean loved the cruise. And was the oldest fetus on the ship *RC doesn't allow you to be any more pregnant then 23 weeks, and even then you have to bring a note from your Dr. At the end of the cruise I was almost 23.5 weeks*

Sunday we were in Nassau for the day. We were a little disappointed because a lot of the shops and museums were closed because it was Sunday. We got a late start to the morning after a huge breakfast *one of my favorite things on the cruise* and set out to see the sights. Our first stop was Starbucks *Janelle's favorite* and then we hit the market where John bought his sought after cowboy hat *and then proceeded to wear it the rest of the trip* Janelle took us on an epic adventure to see "The Queens Staircase" we had to walk like 50 miles to get to the thing and then it is just what it sounds like- a big staircase. I was so exhausted by the end of the morning, between the heat and the walking and oh I don't know the extra human hanging off the front of me.... good thing I wore my sneakers! We went back to the boat for lunch and then all of us except for Mama K and Natalie just stayed on board for the rest of the day. I found a nice spot in the shade by the pool and read and slept. John found a nice spot in the pool where he could see the football game on the big screen and just vegged.

Here we are the last night.

We had to be off the boat by 8:30am Monday morning so it made for an early start to what would be a horrifically long day. Even before we left the ship we were hearing about flooding in Atlanta and the severe weather reports, the same Atlanta that is the hub for Delta, the same one we'd be flying through in a few hours.... well I wish we were just flying through.

We asked in Miami if there was any way we could get on a different flight through somewhere else, there was going to be a charge and a long lay over and we wouldn't get home till 9pm (4hrs later then we were scheduled to arrive home) and he said right then they were only showing like a 20min delay through Atlanta. Hindsight is 20/20. We didn't take the change and instead got on the flight to Atlanta. You see where this is going don't you? So we were delayed leaving Miami because we couldn't land in Atlanta (another sign that we really didn't want to be going to Miami) and then once we got to Atlanta we found out our flight to Rochester was delayed, and delayed, and delayed.... and then eventually canceled. Thanks to my husbands quick thinking and mad hustling we got put on a 10pm flight out, while the majority of our flight mates were not able to get a flight out until the next morning. This was at around 5pm, so while we were wondering around the airport we saw that there was a 7pm flight out and thought we would go and see if we could get ourselves on the standby list. The lady assured us there was no point in putting our names on the list since it was already 17 people long, we told her "lets go ahead and put our names on it anyway why don't we" so we camped out for the 7pm flight that turned into a 9pm flight and lo and behold our names were called. We were so excited! We thought it was a good deal to get home at 11pm instead of 12am.... but when we got to Rochester and found out the 10pm flight we were supposed to be on out of Atlanta was canceled we were ecstatic. We would have been stuck in Atlanta for at least another day who knows what time we would have gotten a flight out the next day since they were already way over booked.

After a long day of traveling and headaches and being gone the weekend I couldn't wait to get home to my little man.

And what did my little man do while we were gone?

Oh he got completely spoiled, with kisses and hugs and lots of love from his Step-parents (Rach and Mike) and his God-parents (Meg and Matt)

He had little time to rest with all the lovin' Harmony was

giving

They are an absolutely adorable pair. Rachel said one afternoon Beckett laid outside the door to where Harmony was sleeping until she stopped crying and only then would he come downstairs.

Too cute!!

And he also got to spend a lot of time with his new bff.... Maris!

Meg said once Maris overcame his fear of Beckett they were great together and followed each other everywhere doing exactly what the other one was doing.

Thank you so much Shipmans and Georges for allowing us a worry-free *or less, because lets be honest I still worried* vacation. We are so thankful for friends like you!

So someone asked me the other day if people had started to touch my belly yet, I told them no and they were really surprised. I don't think I exude "don't you dare touch my stomach" ness but then again I am not exactly giving off "hey please molest my ever growing bump with your grimy hands" ness either. But apparently what I should have told the person who asked me was "not yet" because Monday was Happy Groping day at work. In the course of the day I had 6 different people come up to me, unprompted and unwitnessed by the other offenders and violate my poor bump. Ahh good times.

I also had one of the residents who obviously is not privy to the 4-1400 gossip come up to me and say "so umm Amy do you have something you want to tell me" I thought about it for a minute and said "no" to which he repeated the question, I thought it about it again and said "about who?" thinking he must have been asking about a patient or situation on the unit until I noticed him staring at my stomach. I asked him who told him and when he said "no one I just saw you" I scolded him for being so bold as to just come out and ask something like that, he said "I felt pretty confident in asking and was pretty sure I could get myself out of it if the answer was no" Haha I would have liked to see him try!

And now for things not related to my abdomen. Please pray for my poor little fur child. He has been sick for about the last week and a half and has just gotten worse over the last few days. I brought him back to the vet today and they ran some tests and he will be going in tomorrow to take out what appears to be a foreign body. I can't even imagine what he could have eaten. We've never had any trouble with him eating things he's not supposed to but obviously something is going on and we were past the point of sitting around and waiting for it to take its course. The vet was so sweet about it when he explained it all to me and seemed unfazed when I promptly started to cry *just a tad emotional these days* So he is spending the night there tonight and then will have surgery in the morning. Please pray for him and for us, for him to have a successful surgery and a quick recovery and for me to not worry too much.